Undoubtedly too much information

Every bride wants to look her best on The Day, right?

Well, I had my first ever manicure last week, at a sweet little place called iCandy. I can't really give you a very informed review because I have no basis for comparison, but I enjoyed having an hour to myself in which I didn't need to think about anything at all apart from not knocking over the little bowls of water full of stones. I was slightly shocked that it cost £22, but I'm assuming that's about an average sort of price. I somehow thought it'd be about a tenner less than that.

The reason I decided to take the plunge and get my nails looked at was twofold: 1) I wanted to de-stress after my delightful betrothed made me mad with rage the previous night (why do drunk people never listen to sober people?!) and 2) I was trying to psychologically persuade myself to stop being a weirdo and biting my fingers.

You can see the uber sexy scabbing around my index nail and the split skin on my third finger. 
This is pretty minimal damage compared to how raw my hands usually look.

Yes, that's right. I don't bite my nails, I bite the skin around my nails. It stings like a bitch and looks unsightly. And yet, I've been doing it since primary school and would imagine it's my way of dealing with subliminal anxiety and occasionally boredom. And often just when I'm thinking really really hard. Apparently it's a real thing, and it's called dermatillomania, or compulsive skin-picking disorder. 

In which you can see a big hole I've made next to my thumb. 
 Oh, and the manicure that I successfully managed to chip within 5 minutes dues to haste.

By having a manicure I thought I might trick myself into leaving my fingers alone. It's sort of worked... I haven't picked any new bits but have continued "tidying" the wrecks I'd already made. I'm hoping if I maintain caring for my hands, they won't be completely hideous by the time we get to the wedding. The thought of there being photos of my hand having a wedding ring put on it with dirty scabs all over my fingers is pretty nightmarish. It's also going to be a fairly anxious time during which I'm really going to want to pick my fingers, so let's see how I cope with that.

Sadly, I haven't found a manicure equivalent to stop myself picking my damn face. Gross, I know, but I simply can't help getting up close to the mirror and inspecting every tiny little pore. And then I can't help picking and squeezing and generally maiming my own face. At the moment, my skin is in quite good condition, but as you can see from the vastly hideous and honest photo I've posted below, it is by no means clear and fresh looking. Which I realise is primarily my own fault.

Completely without make-up to show you what a "good" day looks like.
I must be mad to let you see this.

So if you've got any tips or have had similar things yourself, please let me know. I long to be less of a weirdo and have radiant skin and beautiful smooth hands for our wedding and indeed for the rest of my life. Is the answer, as my mother says, simply to take up smoking instead to alleviate my anxiety?!

Comments

[anna and the ring]

1.

Don't waste money on polish manicures. Just get them buffed! Spend your money on pedicures, they last for ages. Do they still sell that stuff which is like polish but is clear and tastes horrid?

I pick at my skin too, it's just too tempting. My skin used to be lovely but the ravages of time have made it sad. I would like the secret too please!

[emma]

2.

i am SO glad that someone else does this, especially biting the skin around their fingers. i do it so much and its really embarrassing (especially when i manage to make them bleed)! i also do the face thing, but iv managed to calm that down. i plan to wear mittens in the week running up to my wedding, hahaa! hope you manage to control yours, let me know if you find a proper 'cure' :)

[Natasha]

3.

Hello, I stumbled across this post when I was searching for information on compulsive finger picking (because, admittedly, I have been doing it since primary school too) and just wanted to thank you for being brave enough to talk about it and post pictures. I've never met anyone else who does it as badly as I do, so it is comforting to know I'm not alone. Best of luck with breaking the habit and with your wedding!

[Cake For Breakfast]

4.

Many thanks for all these comments! Whilst I haven't been able to break this habit, I did manage to stop doing it for the wedding so my fingers and my skin looked the best they have in years. I'm not sure there is a cure, but I found using 'Flexitol' cream which is designed for cuticles and split skin really helped.

[Jenn]

5.

I pick as well; drives my wife nuts. I can't stop though, I just feel a sliver of skin scrape against clothing and I have to bite it off. I hate it when my blood pressure is high cause my fingers never seem to stop bleeding.

[Sarah]

6.

My fingers look like that except about 10x worse. It comforts me that I'm not the only one, though. I paint my nails a lot, but with all of the biting it ends up chipping around the sides and looks awful. I also pick on my scalp all the time, right on my hairline. What makes it worse is that I have a widow's peak, and I mostly pick on the sides, and now it has made my hair much thinner and it looks like I have bald spots. I'm also 16, by the way. It's not that noticeable apparently, but it just makes me so self conscious. But, the worst is my lips. I've been biting them since I was in elementary school, on the insides of my mouth and my lips. I started picking them as well a few years ago. My lips always look more red and swollen and just awful, I feel so hideous when I look in the mirror. I just hate how when I'm reading a book in class or something like that my hands just automatically go to my lips and start picking. Quite embarrassing, really.